Festivities with family may either bring you joy or stress, either way we work through it don’t we? Of course we do because it’s the routine whereby we either merry or make a mess of it. I’ve always enjoyed my childhood memories of going to both sets of grandparents houses in the same day for Thanksgiving meals and visiting with family. There were no outsiders we called ” family friends”. If you came to our function or meal you were indeed an honorary member and that’s just how it was. I liked that!
Fast forward to losing the staple elders in the family keeping everyone together and it has become sort of droll in the last several years for me. My plan was to have my own kids relishing fun moments of playing outside with cousins and having so much fun they didn’t want to leave, but sadly I don’t have that to give them now.
For me growing up family functions were filled with laughter, games outside, more food than you could eat and everyone was happy. No arguments mattered and we took naps and spent the entire day wherever we went and it was great. But now my kids have only one place to visit with the last elder we have. I cook the turkey and dressing and whatever else I can think of. Our family members have gotten older so the trip seems short and people coming in and out in shifts feels more like a department store than anything else. Mostly we hear about local gossip which I walk away from and we hear about ailments and not much thanks. It has become even more droll for me as I lost my best friend and sister only 6 months ago. I’m struggling a little to function. I miss my mother-in-law who sat st the table with me and peeled vegetables. In fact I almost dread it this year.
Life changes for everyone and we must remember if we are going to create new memories with friends and family or not, we have to do it and keep the good memories good and not do very sad. The things i’m grateful for I miss them most of all and would love to go back to that carefree childhood were there was no worries or cares.
We got a new diversion an adopted puppy from a non kill shelter so Gaston helps. I guess I had hoped to much that family and cousins and relatives in general would somehow stick together like the elders had us doing, but that was not so. People change and family morphs and evolves more differently than what I new or enjoyed or so it seems. So I learned to accept it and try to figure out someway for my 3 boys to have their own happy memories.
So, we started cleaning out the house and giving clothes away to shelters and I attempt to make a plan for the week ahead. I make calls that are only returned in short minutes because time is our ruler and we just accept it and move through the motions don’t we?
My middle child Colby posed a question to me which got me thinking. “Are we supposed to Give Thanks or Giving and how do we do both?” I thought I had explained this well but we had a lesson on it and I think I learned more than they did. You have to be happy with you. You have to be thankful for what you had, will have and what you plan to do to give back to others. If you are willing to go the extra mile because you truly do care then you will if you don’t then you will continue to do the same things you’ve always done. Thanksgiving is about enjoying who you have, honoring those who you miss, giving to those who have not and making it a day of festivities and gratefulness that you have the means to do it with whom you choose to do it with.
So, what will you be doing? Will you separate it into thanks or giving or will you combine them? I’m just trying to figure out a way for my boys to have a solid family and friends like I used to have and put self aside. Self has been too much in the way for a lot of us. Whatever you do, wherever you go, whomever you do it with I hope it’s a happy festive time with happy memories. I’m starting over with new things in store for the boys so they understand what it means to be thanks and giving.
Special Needs Mom of 3
#autism #tourettes #geneticdisorders